"The best years of my life" - it's not just a cliche

This past April 2009 I was laid off along with 288 other folks. Through no fault of our own, the economic downturn now gripping the country unleashed the wrath of the bean counters. They took a big knife and cut the corporate cake down to size and you either ended up on the side of the slice that stayed or you ended up on the side that was discarded.


As is the style in modern corporate America, everyone to be let go was blindsided by the decision. I showed up for work one morning and was suddenly escorted to HR were I met a couple of weasely-types who watched me pack up my belongings and then marched me out the front door - as if I’d just been caught shoplifting at Wal-Mart or something.


No one said they were sorry. No one said "Goodbye". No one said "Good luck". No one said "Thanks". I’d been with the firm for sixteen years - in the same industry for more than 30 years. Inside the box I carried out I had lots of little pieces of paper that are supposed to represent "atta boys", rewards for a job well done, proclaiming what a good employee I was. Those, along with positive, sometimes strong reviews, long lists of accomplishments, friendships and alliances forged, deadlines met, expectations exceeded all added up to exactly zilch. Nadda. None of that mattered. It is as if all that had been a dream, an illusion.


I’ve been getting up and going to work everyday for more than forty years. This situation isn’t just something new; it is a complete shock to me. We are defined by our roles in life. You are what you do. One of the first questions someone asks when they first meet you is "and what do you do?" - I’m a doctor. I’m an engineer. I’m a student.


Having grown up in another time (and literally, another century) I feel ashamed to be un-employed. When people ask me that proverbial question "what do you do?" I hesitate. I stumble. It’s painful for me to answer. Without my familiar role, my career label, there’s nothing to hang my self-esteem on. There is a profound emptiness, worthlessness and sadness. It’s literally sickening - like there's a huge hole that's been carved out of my soul.


I don’t recall ever having been through anything so stressful, so nerve-wracking in my life. Then, to compound matters, the cold, heartless, shabby treatment by my employer of 16 years adds insult to injury. To be unceremoniously dumped, thrown away like a used tissue without any regard, without any words of regret is like being stabbed through the heart with a hot poker. These very people to whom I’ve literally given the best years of my life didn’t even bother to pretend that they cared or that my service, hard work and loyalty mattered at all.


It wasn’t supposed to be this way of course. I got up and went to work everyday. Played (mostly) by the rules. Paid my taxes. Worked hard. Played hard. Saved some money. Invested some more according to the best advice available. I had a few more years of this routine to go before I could retire - the American dream. All gone now - turned to dust. Instead, at an age when most contemplate retirement, the "golden" years I’m faced with essentially starting over. My 401k has been turned into a 201K. My prospects in the worst economy of modern times with a job market flooded by all the other laid off people are grim. The competition for jobs will be fierce. (Drudge headline "Jobless rate at 9.5%; 467K jobs cut in June...")


It’s hard not to think that the best years of my life (and maybe this country) have come and gone. I’ve awakened from the American dream into the nightmare of the brave, new world of life in 21st century America.

God help us.


Ralph M